Skip to main content

Now Presenting: Snippets!

I've been thinking about writing a lot of serious stuff lately, but seeing as it's Easter Sunday, and I've had a few drinks, I thought I would do something a little more comedic. I hope this article gives you a chuckle or two, they say laughing causes you to lose up to 1 pound daily and well, you could use it after all that chocolate you fatass. Anyway on to the snippets:


Andy: So the dude at the courthouse said they will just send me a summons in a month or so and ill pay the 125 bucks then.
Me: So the cops not gonna' show up and you're going to get off scott free. Asshole.
Andy: Yep, man I can't believe we're actually going to get away with throwing the party of the century.
Me: What the hell are you gonna' say when your parents open the letter from the courthouse?
A: Always gotta' look at the downside don't you.

Rach: So Nick are you goin' to club 77 tn?
Me: Nah, I'm not feelin' it tonight.

Ash: Hey! I'm going to 77 tonight are you coming?
Me: Sorry cutie, I'm feelin' kinda' sick. I think I'm just going to stay at home

Caroline: So I'm going to 77 tonight, am I going to see you there?
Me: Sorry babe, I blew a tire and spent an hour in the snow changing it, I'm staying at home tonight.

Becki: ...I'm workin' at 77 tonight so-
Me: I'M NOT GOING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Rach: NICKK!! I'm bored. Talk to me.
Me: About what?
Rach: I don't know, anything. What do you want to talk about?
Me: Boobies.
R: Ha Ha. Nick said boobies.

Me: Hey mike buddy whats up? Let's chill tonight, beers and bro's, we'll hang out.
Mike: Yeah man, I was thinking about catching a bus into town anyway I hear this 77 thing is supposed to be good tonight.
Me: FUCK THE WORLD. FINE, THE UNIVERSE WANTS ME TO GO CLUBBING I'LL GO CLUBBING.

Rach: Seriously Nick, let's talk about something interesting.
Me: Boobies are interesting.
R: NO! Something that's FUN and interesting.
Me: Your telling me that boobies aren't fun and interesting? I mean come on, you have a pair, you must know.
R: Fine, I'll give you that, but can we change the subject?
Me: No way, this is how I pick up girls.

Andy's Dad: Son, We got this letter from the government. What is it?
Andy: Oh it's nothing, one of the kids who got in a fight at the party is pressing charges and they need me as a witness.
Andy's Dad: Bullshit.
A: Excuse me?
AD: I said bullshit. You and Nick probably got fined for having a bunch of kid's in the hall drinking without a liquor license.
A: Wow, Yeah. Damn your good.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Steak and Blowjob Day! & My Ode to Neo-Citron

Dear Neo -Citron, How can something so beautiful and tasty come in such a small packet? Your lemony goodness is masked only by the sensation that occurs when the heat of your magical liquid hits the back of my tired, dry throat. This feeling is something so amazing it's hard to describe in such few words and it needs a full blown Hemingway chapter to properly do it justice, but it's somewhere in between a deep breath in a hot sauna on a frigid day, and 100 beautiful naked ladies holding 100 ice cold beers, with a giant banner over top proclaiming that it is national steak and blowjob day(march 14 th , Google it!). O lovely N eo -Citron, your good at anytime. Sometimes I like your non drowsy genre, served ice cold in the morning when I feel congested. Sometimes I enjoy a warm cup of your throat soothing, semi-clear, golden grace in the afternoon if I'm going to try and play guitar and sing crappily , but every once in awhile, after a long weekend of partying or working a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Starting A Blog the Day Before Your 19th birthday Isn't Smart

First off, I apologize to my 0 readers for my lack of updating since my first post. See, Wednesday the 20 th was my 19 th birthday and in this lovely province of Ontario on your 19 th birthday you drink enough to kill a small alligator . I continued this tradition by coating the inside of my body with enough alcohol to kill any disease that should try to harm my weak immune system. I'm telling you this now so if I take an abnormally long time off and blame it on illness I'm probably lying. Now on to my weekend. Kicking it off, Friday was the culmination of a plan devised by me and my best buddy Andy to throw a ridiculously large party at a banquet hall. Long story short the party began at around 7:30 when we started putting up decorations. By around 7:45 our first guests showed up before we were set up, before our security was there, and before we were ready to take care of 6 drunk hockey dudes. After shooing them into the bathroom to finish copious amounts of alcohol that...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Feel Like Pablo When I'm Working On My Blog

So it has been brought to my attention by my leagues of adoring fans that I must be psychotic because it's 2017 and this is a blog, so I don't actually have any fans. Saying that, writing this provides me some sort of an outlet, a way to express my frustrations, and unlike when I try to record something on video, or something musical, if a mistake happens while writing this, I can go back and edit it easily. Although the incessant barrage of typos are annoying it doesn't require another take, I don't have to take it from the top, and I really don't have to worry about what I say because no one's going to read this anyway. The idea that I can be so open with my opinions, free to say whatever I want to say about whatever the fuck I want to talk about, should be something that readers admire in the content they seek. In a world where everything is brought to you by something, where content is curated as a way to advertise to you without your brain recognizing i...
Post a Comment
Read more