Skip to main content

Now Presenting: Snippets!

I've been thinking about writing a lot of serious stuff lately, but seeing as it's Easter Sunday, and I've had a few drinks, I thought I would do something a little more comedic. I hope this article gives you a chuckle or two, they say laughing causes you to lose up to 1 pound daily and well, you could use it after all that chocolate you fatass. Anyway on to the snippets:


Andy: So the dude at the courthouse said they will just send me a summons in a month or so and ill pay the 125 bucks then.
Me: So the cops not gonna' show up and you're going to get off scott free. Asshole.
Andy: Yep, man I can't believe we're actually going to get away with throwing the party of the century.
Me: What the hell are you gonna' say when your parents open the letter from the courthouse?
A: Always gotta' look at the downside don't you.

Rach: So Nick are you goin' to club 77 tn?
Me: Nah, I'm not feelin' it tonight.

Ash: Hey! I'm going to 77 tonight are you coming?
Me: Sorry cutie, I'm feelin' kinda' sick. I think I'm just going to stay at home

Caroline: So I'm going to 77 tonight, am I going to see you there?
Me: Sorry babe, I blew a tire and spent an hour in the snow changing it, I'm staying at home tonight.

Becki: ...I'm workin' at 77 tonight so-
Me: I'M NOT GOING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Rach: NICKK!! I'm bored. Talk to me.
Me: About what?
Rach: I don't know, anything. What do you want to talk about?
Me: Boobies.
R: Ha Ha. Nick said boobies.

Me: Hey mike buddy whats up? Let's chill tonight, beers and bro's, we'll hang out.
Mike: Yeah man, I was thinking about catching a bus into town anyway I hear this 77 thing is supposed to be good tonight.
Me: FUCK THE WORLD. FINE, THE UNIVERSE WANTS ME TO GO CLUBBING I'LL GO CLUBBING.

Rach: Seriously Nick, let's talk about something interesting.
Me: Boobies are interesting.
R: NO! Something that's FUN and interesting.
Me: Your telling me that boobies aren't fun and interesting? I mean come on, you have a pair, you must know.
R: Fine, I'll give you that, but can we change the subject?
Me: No way, this is how I pick up girls.

Andy's Dad: Son, We got this letter from the government. What is it?
Andy: Oh it's nothing, one of the kids who got in a fight at the party is pressing charges and they need me as a witness.
Andy's Dad: Bullshit.
A: Excuse me?
AD: I said bullshit. You and Nick probably got fined for having a bunch of kid's in the hall drinking without a liquor license.
A: Wow, Yeah. Damn your good.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Feel Like Pablo When I'm Working On My Blog

So it has been brought to my attention by my leagues of adoring fans that I must be psychotic because it's 2017 and this is a blog, so I don't actually have any fans. Saying that, writing this provides me some sort of an outlet, a way to express my frustrations, and unlike when I try to record something on video, or something musical, if a mistake happens while writing this, I can go back and edit it easily. Although the incessant barrage of typos are annoying it doesn't require another take, I don't have to take it from the top, and I really don't have to worry about what I say because no one's going to read this anyway. The idea that I can be so open with my opinions, free to say whatever I want to say about whatever the fuck I want to talk about, should be something that readers admire in the content they seek. In a world where everything is brought to you by something, where content is curated as a way to advertise to you without your brain recognizing i...

Working Out With Your Eyes Closed

Recently I've been working in a new treadmill(well new to me), and I've found myself following into a horrible habit of closing my eyes while I'm running. I'm not talking about blinking or flapping my eyelashes, but instead consciously maintaining my eyes shut while the machine absentmindedly changes speeds and I now begin to jog on the hamster wheel made human sized. As someone who is usually completely aware of my surroundings, this 40 minute timeframe that I've set out of my day to conduct my cardio isn't one where I particularly think my eyes should be closed for any purpose. During the ticking seconds to minutes that I spend in the gym, I am aware of a lot of different things while standing in the single lonely and small room conducting my usual fitness routine. I'm aware of the illuminated numbers in front of me displaying the unfortunate fact that although the treadmill's pulse detection system isn't even able to pickup my heart rate d...