Skip to main content

Now Presenting: Snippets!

I've been thinking about writing a lot of serious stuff lately, but seeing as it's Easter Sunday, and I've had a few drinks, I thought I would do something a little more comedic. I hope this article gives you a chuckle or two, they say laughing causes you to lose up to 1 pound daily and well, you could use it after all that chocolate you fatass. Anyway on to the snippets:


Andy: So the dude at the courthouse said they will just send me a summons in a month or so and ill pay the 125 bucks then.
Me: So the cops not gonna' show up and you're going to get off scott free. Asshole.
Andy: Yep, man I can't believe we're actually going to get away with throwing the party of the century.
Me: What the hell are you gonna' say when your parents open the letter from the courthouse?
A: Always gotta' look at the downside don't you.

Rach: So Nick are you goin' to club 77 tn?
Me: Nah, I'm not feelin' it tonight.

Ash: Hey! I'm going to 77 tonight are you coming?
Me: Sorry cutie, I'm feelin' kinda' sick. I think I'm just going to stay at home

Caroline: So I'm going to 77 tonight, am I going to see you there?
Me: Sorry babe, I blew a tire and spent an hour in the snow changing it, I'm staying at home tonight.

Becki: ...I'm workin' at 77 tonight so-
Me: I'M NOT GOING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Rach: NICKK!! I'm bored. Talk to me.
Me: About what?
Rach: I don't know, anything. What do you want to talk about?
Me: Boobies.
R: Ha Ha. Nick said boobies.

Me: Hey mike buddy whats up? Let's chill tonight, beers and bro's, we'll hang out.
Mike: Yeah man, I was thinking about catching a bus into town anyway I hear this 77 thing is supposed to be good tonight.
Me: FUCK THE WORLD. FINE, THE UNIVERSE WANTS ME TO GO CLUBBING I'LL GO CLUBBING.

Rach: Seriously Nick, let's talk about something interesting.
Me: Boobies are interesting.
R: NO! Something that's FUN and interesting.
Me: Your telling me that boobies aren't fun and interesting? I mean come on, you have a pair, you must know.
R: Fine, I'll give you that, but can we change the subject?
Me: No way, this is how I pick up girls.

Andy's Dad: Son, We got this letter from the government. What is it?
Andy: Oh it's nothing, one of the kids who got in a fight at the party is pressing charges and they need me as a witness.
Andy's Dad: Bullshit.
A: Excuse me?
AD: I said bullshit. You and Nick probably got fined for having a bunch of kid's in the hall drinking without a liquor license.
A: Wow, Yeah. Damn your good.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I am Giving Away A Free Hat To The First Person To Comment On This Post!

Ok so for the past while now I've been working on a clothing project. Since I was a young boy I've been doodling a familiar phrase on the back of my notebooks while sitting in class, writing the same thing in different ways to impress girls, or just because I was sick of what the teacher was nagging me about in high school. I would sketch-out the phrase, add additional designs too it; sharp flames around the "O"'s or blue waves around the edges, then try and make a cute girl notice my artwork as a way to catch some of her attention that may otherwise be saved for a young male far more dapper than my teenaged self. Recently I found myself without a job and while interviewing I had to come up with a good answer to the clichéd question the person across the table often asks "What's your greatest weakness?" and WHAM! there I was the same nervous teen, scrambling to find an answer to impress someone enough to consider me for a position. Rather tha...
2 comments
Read more

Smokin’ a cigarette in my parents place

Smokin’ a cigarette in my parents place T.V. flickers in my family’s house As I smoke a cigarette in my parents place. Tired from work, body aches from party, I click a lighter in my parents 2 bedroom condo. Recline in my father’s leather chair, Relax my shoulders, Open the window, Exhaling tobacco and thoughts threw the screen. Breathe in a little more trouble As a familiar sound causes a unique reaction. Vegas song leaks out my Dad’s surrounds sound speakers Causing the carbon dioxide and piano to mix Tickling, gently along my heart, No one really talks like that. Cold comes in threw the open window Hits my body and cools my feelings. With a flick of a switch fake flames erupt, Shining in the room’s most recent addition as Faux fire ignites and comforts my rebellion, Teen angst of the finest kind. A commercial plays on the living room flat screen, It’s that car ad; You know the one, Touching acoustic song, And a little reminder in the corner that no one reall...
1 comment
Read more

Starting A Blog the Day Before Your 19th birthday Isn't Smart

First off, I apologize to my 0 readers for my lack of updating since my first post. See, Wednesday the 20 th was my 19 th birthday and in this lovely province of Ontario on your 19 th birthday you drink enough to kill a small alligator . I continued this tradition by coating the inside of my body with enough alcohol to kill any disease that should try to harm my weak immune system. I'm telling you this now so if I take an abnormally long time off and blame it on illness I'm probably lying. Now on to my weekend. Kicking it off, Friday was the culmination of a plan devised by me and my best buddy Andy to throw a ridiculously large party at a banquet hall. Long story short the party began at around 7:30 when we started putting up decorations. By around 7:45 our first guests showed up before we were set up, before our security was there, and before we were ready to take care of 6 drunk hockey dudes. After shooing them into the bathroom to finish copious amounts of alcohol that...
Post a Comment
Read more