Skip to main content

Now Presenting: Snippets!

I've been thinking about writing a lot of serious stuff lately, but seeing as it's Easter Sunday, and I've had a few drinks, I thought I would do something a little more comedic. I hope this article gives you a chuckle or two, they say laughing causes you to lose up to 1 pound daily and well, you could use it after all that chocolate you fatass. Anyway on to the snippets:


Andy: So the dude at the courthouse said they will just send me a summons in a month or so and ill pay the 125 bucks then.
Me: So the cops not gonna' show up and you're going to get off scott free. Asshole.
Andy: Yep, man I can't believe we're actually going to get away with throwing the party of the century.
Me: What the hell are you gonna' say when your parents open the letter from the courthouse?
A: Always gotta' look at the downside don't you.

Rach: So Nick are you goin' to club 77 tn?
Me: Nah, I'm not feelin' it tonight.

Ash: Hey! I'm going to 77 tonight are you coming?
Me: Sorry cutie, I'm feelin' kinda' sick. I think I'm just going to stay at home

Caroline: So I'm going to 77 tonight, am I going to see you there?
Me: Sorry babe, I blew a tire and spent an hour in the snow changing it, I'm staying at home tonight.

Becki: ...I'm workin' at 77 tonight so-
Me: I'M NOT GOING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Rach: NICKK!! I'm bored. Talk to me.
Me: About what?
Rach: I don't know, anything. What do you want to talk about?
Me: Boobies.
R: Ha Ha. Nick said boobies.

Me: Hey mike buddy whats up? Let's chill tonight, beers and bro's, we'll hang out.
Mike: Yeah man, I was thinking about catching a bus into town anyway I hear this 77 thing is supposed to be good tonight.
Me: FUCK THE WORLD. FINE, THE UNIVERSE WANTS ME TO GO CLUBBING I'LL GO CLUBBING.

Rach: Seriously Nick, let's talk about something interesting.
Me: Boobies are interesting.
R: NO! Something that's FUN and interesting.
Me: Your telling me that boobies aren't fun and interesting? I mean come on, you have a pair, you must know.
R: Fine, I'll give you that, but can we change the subject?
Me: No way, this is how I pick up girls.

Andy's Dad: Son, We got this letter from the government. What is it?
Andy: Oh it's nothing, one of the kids who got in a fight at the party is pressing charges and they need me as a witness.
Andy's Dad: Bullshit.
A: Excuse me?
AD: I said bullshit. You and Nick probably got fined for having a bunch of kid's in the hall drinking without a liquor license.
A: Wow, Yeah. Damn your good.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

One Night In Brantford: The Post-College Party

Today is a rough day. I won't sugarcoat it, I'm hungover. Very hungover. Yesterday I made a 40 minute roadtrip down to Brantford to meet my buddy Mike, and see a few local bands. After the little mini- roadtrip, and hours of dicking around in the hicktown that is Brantford , we finally made our way over to the venue. Jay's Place is an above average venue for local rock shows, especially for a small city. Cafeteria tables and chairs carefully decorated with varying amounts of penned graffiti and "soandso was here" carvings surround the outside of the large hall. With a moderately sized stage on one end, semi-clean washrooms, and a kitchen bar on the other, the place seems to be a quality hangout for the music-scene regulars in the town. Me and Mike show up and pay our cover as the 2n d band is finishing their set. Oh, I almost forgot another strong point about Jay's; It's convenient location is within drunken pissing distance from the towns largest l...

Steak and Blowjob Day! & My Ode to Neo-Citron

Dear Neo -Citron, How can something so beautiful and tasty come in such a small packet? Your lemony goodness is masked only by the sensation that occurs when the heat of your magical liquid hits the back of my tired, dry throat. This feeling is something so amazing it's hard to describe in such few words and it needs a full blown Hemingway chapter to properly do it justice, but it's somewhere in between a deep breath in a hot sauna on a frigid day, and 100 beautiful naked ladies holding 100 ice cold beers, with a giant banner over top proclaiming that it is national steak and blowjob day(march 14 th , Google it!). O lovely N eo -Citron, your good at anytime. Sometimes I like your non drowsy genre, served ice cold in the morning when I feel congested. Sometimes I enjoy a warm cup of your throat soothing, semi-clear, golden grace in the afternoon if I'm going to try and play guitar and sing crappily , but every once in awhile, after a long weekend of partying or working a...

Attentions and Intentions

Picked up the blog again temporarily while I have some extra time on my hands with the intent to hopefully write something that people will actually want to read. Apparently, a good way for an author to develop interest and desire from a reader is to ask the reader some provocative questions with the goal of keeping them entertained. So, how's your day going? How's your family? Pets doing well? Additionally, the stuff I actually care about, do people still read things on their laptops? Do people still read on their desktops? Or is everything you read now exclusively available on a 5 to 8 inch plus fibreglass-esque rectangle most likely located in your front pocket? Do people even read at all, whether it be for their own pain or pleasure? Because I'm aware that you're just dying to know, my personal preference is to have a cellphone that's smaller in stature so that it fits more properly into my clothing. Strangely, my favourite object to read is also the abs...